It feels like a Monday. I can feel it in my shoulders and I could feel it in my exasperated tone this afternoon.
I read half a dozen teaching books this summer and I think the one that I liked best was Conscious Discipline by Becky Bailey. I think it fits with my own beliefs and personality and has helped me in the moment already a few times. Of course, there are plenty of moments where I really should have pulled it up to the forefront and didn’t – like possibly this whole day.
Last year I had a million moments where I plum felt like I fallen into a river that was speeding with me along whether I liked it or not. And it is this feeling more than anything that makes me exasperated. And then my exasperation adds to that feeling and it is a cycle of bad teaching. In Conscious Discipline, this would have been a good moment to PIVOT. They talk about pivoting your mind in the book (switching gears, obvs) and all I can do is picture Ross Gellar. I need a picture of Ross and the couch from Friends to stick on the wall somewhere in my room for inspiration.
I think my number one problem today was that I miss my own kid. I left him in the bed this morning with his other parent and I had to pry myself out of that house. I just wanted to stay with him so bad. It is hard to get used to being away from him all day again, after a great summer. It just makes me sad. This weekend I was so clingy that it was a bit ridiculous. I just want to hold him and squeeze him and he is a toddler and isn’t really very interested in staying still. When I got to school this morning all I could think about was him, and I think I might let have some resentment slip into my relationships with my students.
That made it easier for me to take things personally. I have this one student – totally bright, but must find it physically impossible to listen to me or follow directions. At least that is how it feels. He is constantly bothering the other kids and he also has a naturally loud voice and seems incapable of whispering. And since he feels like talking whenever he wants AND his voice is loud it drives me bananas. Not only is he a supreme button pushed, but I just cannot figure out what goes through his mind. I think my empathy is a big tool for me as a teacher, and I want to relate to him, but WTF? It doesn’t even really seem like an impulse control issue, just that he wants to be doing these things. He is a really bright kid (not amazing genius) so I wonder if he developed these bad habits earlier in his school career because he wasn’t challenged? I’m tempted to ask mom, but he is probably the laziest student I have so I don’t think he’s a good candidate for an accelerated program.
We have our first field trip tomorrow! It is an easy one, luckily. Last year my first field trip of the year was disastrous, but that is a story for another time.